Welcome to Wedding Weddiquette !
Where we answer all of your pending wedding planning questions!
Today’s questions is
“My fiancé and I recently got engaged and are beginning to plan our wedding. Both my parents as well as my fiancés are divorced and my parents have both remarried. I want to include our family in our wedding but want to know the “weddiquette” when dealing with our parents and step parents”
When I got engaged, almost 8 years ago, I was ecstatic and for someone that had been in the wedding business, I couldn’t wait to finally plan my big day!
I knew what I wanted and which wedding pros I was going to use. This was going to be a breeze….then I started to think, how will I manage my parents and stepparents. My parents relationship was rocky to say the least (and that’s me being polite)…how was I going to plan this wedding with them, be respectful of everyone’s opinions and perhaps the biggest feat was them being in the same room together for an extended period!
I chose to talk with both of them separately first and tell them what my expectations were of them and to my surprise they both said the same thing “this is your day and we will do whatever necessary to make you happy”.
I highly suggest any Bride or Groom have that conversation with their parents and tell them how you see your day and the important role they will play. Had my conversation gone south with either of them, I had prepared myself to say “if you can’t get along for one day then I’m sorry but you can’t be a part of our celebration”. It would have killed me not to have either of them there, but this day was about no one else but me and my fiancé (now husband of almost 7 years). Who knows? Maybe they will surprise you like they did me!
My next challenge was the “weddiquette” involved with certain aspects of the wedding and how to include my parents as well as my stepparents. This is definitely a challenge that a lot of couples face so here are some tips to planning your nuptials with divorced parents and step-parents!
Invitation ~ Depending on the formality of your wedding this will dictate the style and wording of your invite. One opinion you may choose to just have your name as well as your fiancés. For Example, “Michelle and Chris request the honour of your presence…”. Another opinion if you would like to include your families is “The families of Michelle and Chris request the honour of your presence…”. If not including your parents names are not an option (or you would like more of a formal invite) then you should list the Brides Mother first (and spouse) and then the Brides Father (and spouse).
Mr. & Mrs. John and Jane Smith
Mr. & Mrs. David & Sharon White
Request the honour of your presence
At the marriage of their daughter…
Ceremony ~ The order and formality for walking down the aisle is fairly simple and would be very much the same without stepparents. Where you may face a problem is who the Bride chooses to walk her down the aisle. I chose to have my Mom and Dad walk me down the aisle, but I think this is a decision that no one can really tell you what you should do. This is a very important event for a parent as well as the Bride and the honour should be given to the person you feel should be beside you at that moment. Whether it’s your Mom and Dad or maybe your Dad and Stepfather, select the person you want to bestow this honour to.
I’m sure you have felt overwhelmed at times navigating around all these tricky situations like I did but remember that whether your parents are together or not, they are just as excited for your big day as you are!
These are a few tips for more of the challenging scenarios but tune into my Periscope Broadcast tonight at 8:30pm (EST) where I can discuss some other tips and tricks to navigate you through your big day. You can follow me at @ConfettiDiaries.